A Parents Guide To Answering Tween/Teen Questions:

11 December 2009

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As your daughter goes through puberty, you are going to be asked a lot of questions, some that you may know the answer to, some you don’t, or some you just wouldn’t know how to answer. It is important for you to answer your child’s questions with as much honesty and as little discomfort as possible so that they will continue to come to you with their questions, and later for advice. There is no need for you to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable answering your child’s questions, they are naturally curious, and the more knowledge they have about what is going on with their bodies, what sex is and the possible consequences, and many other things that occur throughout adolescence, the less chance there is of them seeking that information from sources you rather they wouldn’t.

An old proverb says: “Knowledge is the mother of all virtue; all vice proceeds from ignorance.” This is an excellent way to emphasise the importance of telling your child as much about whatever it is they want to know. A child who is rich with knowledge is more equipped to make better decisions regarding sex, drugs, and a whole range of other topics. You know yourself that if you know enough about something, your curiosity is assuaged and you no longer look for the answers elsewhere. It can also help your teen cope with the problems of peer pressure because they have the knowledge to stand strong against it.

Below you will find a comprehensive list of Questions your child may ask, as well as the best Answers to give in order to satisfy their curiosity. Do not be surprised if your child would like to know about the opposite sex as well.

Body Changes

Before we get into the Q & A, here is a list of the changes your daughter’s body may undergo which she may have concerns about.

- Height & Weight increase

- Facial changes – face will widen and lengthen a little

- Hips become wider & curvier

- Limbs get longer

- Hands and feet become larger

- Vocal changes – voice will deepen slightly

- Growth of pubic and underarm hair

- Hair on the limbs become darker and more visible

- Breasts and nipples get larger – with the nipples darkening in colour

- Sex organs become darker and fleshier

- Vaginal discharge is more noticeable

- Ovulation begins

- Menstrual cycle begins

- Hair and skin become oily and spotty

- She sweats more

- Pimples may appear

Q&A

The Breasts

1. How do breasts develop?

Your breasts are made up of fatty tissue and contain the mammary glands which will produce the milk if you ever have a baby. When you reach puberty your hormones, which is Oestrogen in females, causes fat to be deposited within the breasts and stimulate the ducts to grow. The coloured area around your nipple, called the areola, will also change. It becomes bigger and will either darken or lighten in colour.

2. How long will it take for them to reach their full size?

It can take anywhere from 2 to 4 years for breasts to reach their full size.

3. How big will they be?

The size of your breasts is determined by your genes, meaning; your breasts will either end up about the same size as mine, or about the same size as the females on Dad’s side of the family. Body weight can also change the size of your breasts, but does not give a true indication of their actual size as when the excess body weight is lost, it usually comes off the breasts as well.

4. Why is one breast smaller than the other?

Unfortunately our bodies aren’t symmetrical so it is normal for one breast to be smaller than the other, but usually it isn’t noticeable to anyone but you.

5. Why do they hurt?

It is normal for them to feel tender and painful as they grow. It is mainly your changing hormone levels which is causing it and the growth in general. It will settle down and wearing a supportive bra can help.

6. When can I start wearing a bra?

You can wear a bra whenever you feel the need to. If your breasts feel heavy, or you feel awkward and uncomfortable having your shirt rubbing against them, then we can go and buy you some bras whenever you want, but ultimately the decision is yours. I always found a bra helps in cold weather too.

The Menstrual Cycle “Period”

1. What are periods?

Your periods are your body’s natural way of flushing out the unused egg and the lining it has created within your uterus to nourish that egg. It occurs once a month until you’re around fifty.

2. What exactly occurs to cause my period?

The blood comes from the lining of your uterus, called the mucus membrane. Every month, when your ovaries release a matured egg, the mucus membrane swells with blood which it will use to nourish that egg if it becomes fertilised by a male’s sperm. When an egg hasn’t been fertilised it dies, and the body rids itself of the nourishing lining that it has created in the form of your period.

3. What age can I expect to get my first period?

Your period will usually begin 1-2 years after other physical body changes like your breasts growing or after getting pubic hair. Most females begin their cycle between the ages of 9 and 16, but it can occur earlier or later, everyone’s different. The average though is between 11 and 13.

4. Can I die from this loss of blood?

No. Your body will only release what it has stored up in the lining. It may seem like a lot but in actual fact you only lose about 4-6 tablespoons of blood.

5. What does it feel like?

It depends on the person. Some girls don’t feel anything. You may experience a slight trickling sensation, or it may feel a bit like a bubble coming out of your vagina. Some girls feel a tenderness in their breasts, their back may ache or they may experience a cramping in their pelvic area.

6. What if I don’t get my period every month?

It is normal for your menstrual cycle to be a bit irregular for the first couple of years or so until your body establishes a routine. But if you are sexually active, or if you have been 2 months without a period we had better take you for a check up.

**It is important to stay calm here and not develop a judgmental or accusing tone**

7. How long exactly is the menstrual cycle?

The menstrual cycle varies from female to female, but the standard is every 28 days from the start of your period. Sometimes it can be shorter, sometimes longer, and different things can effect it’s punctuality. When it does arrive it can last anywhere from 3-7 days, or longer depending on your body, and each month it can vary in length.

8. Can I get pregnant during my menstrual cycle?

Yes, it is still possible to fall pregnant if you have sex during your period.

9. What is PMS/PMT?

Pre-menstrual syndrome or Pre-menstrual tension are terms used to explain a group of symptoms that can occur up to a week or so before your period, or a few days after. The symptoms you may experience is a bloated abdomen, tender or sore breasts, headache, backache, pimples and even moodiness.

Sanitary Measures

1. What can I use during my periods?

You have the option of using tampons or pads, both of which are available in a broad variety these days and made to suit your individual preference and flow.

2. Does it hurt to use a tampon for the first time?

It may if you feel nervous and tend to tense your vaginal muscles, but if you remained relax and don’t let yourself think about it too much, then no, it won’t. The vagina is very elastic and can stretch painlessly to accommodate a tampon, just make sure you insert it up and towards your back as that’s the way your vagina slopes. There are mini tampons available which are not as big as normal ones, which may be good for your first time, or there is Tampax which comes with an applicator which helps you guide the tampon in correctly until you get used to doing it on your own.

3. Will the blood leak around the tampon?

Tampons are made to swell to fit snugly within your vaginal walls, but leakage can occur if you don’t change them regularly enough, or your period is a heavy one. You can use a panty liner to help prevent the blood from leaking onto your underwear if it makes you feel more comfortable.

4. How often should I change my tampon?

As a general rule you should change your tampon every 3-4 hours. Depending on the heaviness of your flow you may want to change it more regularly.

5. What is Toxic Shock Syndrome?

The prolonged use of highly absorbent tampons has been known to be one of the causes of TSS. Because these types of tampons are designed to expand so far, they tend to stick to the vaginal wall which can cause some of the wall to be torn away when the tampon is removed. This exposed lining is then susceptible to a bacteria called Staphylococcus aureus which is thought to produce toxins. It is an extremely serious infection.

6. Am I still a virgin if I use tampons?

The true meaning of a virgin, is one who has never had sex. So, yes, even if you are using tampons, but have never had sex, you are still a virgin.

Other bodily changes

1. What is this whitish (or yellowish) stuff that appears on my undies?

This is called vaginal discharge, and is quite normal. This mucus is secreted little by little from the cervix and enters the vagina to ease penetration during sex.

2. At what age am I fully developed?

Ususally you have finished growing to your full adult height by the age of 17. Your breasts would have reached full size a few years prior, and you will reach reproductive maturity by the age of 19-20.

3. What is a hormone?

It is a chemical which is released into the blood to control your body and it’s functions. The changes you experience during puberty is due to hormones, which is called Oestrogen in females. The pituitary gland at the base of the brain is what controls the production of these hormones.

4. Why do I get pimples?

For a time during puberty your skin may overproduce a an oily substance called sebum. This overproduction of sebum can cause blockages in the pores which results in pimples or acne.

You will find more articles on Tween/ Teen health at www.kidsinaustralia.com.au