Dining Out Successfully with Children
With some careful preparation and some sensible strategies, it is possible to take our children out for a meal, and for it to be a pleasurable experience.
Why Take Children Out for Meals?
When children are taken out to a restaurant or cafe, they are likely to be introduced to new smells, tastes, textures, sights and sounds. This is very stimulating for them and can be enjoyable for the parents when they see that their children are having fun, as well as learning new things. Mums, Dads and Carers sometimes need a break from cooking or need to leave their home for a particular reason. It is sensible to get your child used to being out and eating out at a young age. You can start off with eating a snack at a cafe and increasing the amount of time spent in an eating place.
Before going out for a Meal
We need to be aware of the fact that young children have short attention spans, but they gradually increase over the years. A 2 year old can only sit for about 6 mins without squirming, whereas a 6 year old can normally sit for about 20 mins (3-5 minutes per year of age). Youngsters therefore need to be taken outside or to another area after a short time to move around.
To prepare for a snack in a cafe, you can take some simple, small, quiet activities with you. These will help to keep your children occupied when they start to become restless. For example, crayons or pencils with a small notebook, figurines, books, activity books, puzzles, cards, soft or squeezy toys.
Eating regularly at a dinner table with the whole family is a worthwhile habit to organise. This time is valuable for communicating face to face, for building a family bond, for discussing family issues, for encouraging good behaviour and for socialising our children. It is important to teach table manners at home so that they will know how to behave when out. For example, eating with mouth closed, listening when others are speaking, one person speaking at a time, sitting properly, using cutlery for sloppy foods, refraining from burping and being noisy.
Ye can tell your children specifically what you expect of them in age-appropriate language. You can also let them know that you would like to take them out to dine on a regular basis, and that this will happen if they are well behaved. You can tell your older children that you would appreciate their help at the cafe, restaurant or other. The older children can help the younger ones by passing food, talking with them, offering activities and feeding infants.
It is preferable, but not essential, to choose a child-friendly cafe or restaurant that provides high chairs, children’s healthy snacks, children’s activities and or equipment.
The timing of the experience is important so that the children are less tired and restless.
You can have some healthy snacks, such as dried fruit, packed in case the child/ren don’t wish to eat anything that is offered.
Only order small amounts of food that your children are likely to eat and it’s wise not to make a fuss if your child doesn’t like it or want to eat it.
During the Meal
The most important consideration when out with your children is to set a positive example.
You will be pleasantly rewarded by your children if you can notice any positive behaviour, particularly effort, progress, co-operation and strengths and comment sincerely and specifically. You can focus on good manners such as sitting with legs under the table, waiting patiently, speaking quietly, helping younger children and independence.
Including each child in the conversation, at age appropriate levels will enhance the experience and foster co-operation. You can draw children out by asking simple questions and reflecting meaning and feelings.
If your child is very young, it can be easier to allow your child to sample from your or your partner’s plate, as they tend to want to eat what you are eating.
Empowering our children is something which is often overlooked. You can ask your children when and where they would like to go out, give them limited choices about what they can eat or drink. You can ask their opinions on the topic of conversation, ask them where they would like to sit and get them to order their own meals.
Giving attention and affection to each child needs to be liberal, whether at home or away from home. Children need to know in their hearts that they are loved and wanted.
Games can be a great way of keeping children occupied and still. Modified eye spy, 20 questions, memory games, and so on will help to occupy restless youngsters too.
Children need to be properly supervised at all times including when they need to visit the rest rooms. You need to be aware of hot foods, glasses and sharp utensils such as knives. Children need to know that it is totally unacceptable to run around in a restaurant.
If your child is misbehaving at the table, walk over to them, get down to their level and speak calmly to them. If they are younger than three, distraction usually works well. For the over threes, asking them calmly to do a related acceptable thing works brilliantly. For example, if your child is tapping his hand or foot, ask him nicely to place his hands on his legs in one spot. A child who is eating quickly can be asked to chew his food more slowly. If your child co-operates, try to encourage the appropriate behaviour. If they don’t, they can be deliberately ignored and another child, object or situation focused on. If the behaviour is too intrusive, the child can be taken aside and given a warning, that they will miss out on such and such if this continues. The consequence needs to be respectful, reasonable and preferably related to the misdeed. If the atmosphere is going downhill, you can tell the family that you will be leaving in so many minutes if things don’t improve. You then need to follow through if the situation continues to be problematic.
General advice for congenial mealtimes (at home) is to:
- place a bowl or plate of healthy food and some water on the table
- sit down with the children and serve some for yourself
- show genuine enjoyment when eating and ask if anyone would like some food
- give or allow children to serve themselves a small portion (if old enough) when they are seated properly at the table
- have a conversation about anything other than the reason for eating good food (of course good nutrition needs to be discussed occasionally)
- praise children for sitting nicely, eating nicely, waiting patiently etc
- say nothing about the amount they are eating
- if they don’t wish to eat anything offered say nothing and keep sitting down and eating yourself
- give attention to the children that are sitting down properly
- if they leave the table ask them to please sit down at the table and join the family
- if they don’t do so, ignore them (whilst keeping an eye on them for safety )
- after several courses on plates or in bowls, offer plain bread or fruit if little has been eaten
- don’t have too many choices and keep to healthy foods
- if giving treats, give at the end of meals or between meals and ensure that they are small
- keep junk foods out of reach in the kitchen cupboards or fridge
- If children don’t eat at a particular meal, they might not be hungry and will probably eat more at the next meal.
- When they are ill or upset they may lose their appetite temporarily
- children will naturally eat the amount of food that they need and the type of food that they require when offered healthy choices
- avoid power struggles at all costs
- if children play with utensils or food excessively take it away after a warning
- variety is the spice of life
- everybody has different food preferences
Carole Disseldorp of Easier Parenting can help you with your parenting issues. Parents and carers have the unique opportunity to email, ring and/or visit for valuable support with parenting. Carole is a qualified and experienced Parent Educator, Primary Teacher, Childcare Worker and Nanny and has raised four (grown) children. Assistance will be tailored to the client’s specific needs, individual/family situation and experiences. One-on-one attention will be given, for as much time as is needed for the client to feel confident and successful with their parenting. Carole is able to help parents and others caring for toddlers through to teens in an encouraging, empathetic and understanding manner. Effective parenting does not generally come naturally, as many of us previously believed. Parenting skills can also be applied to general relationships with others – family, friends and strangers. Carole strongly believes that a great many of the problems in society could be prevented if parents and carers were given better parent education when their children were young. However, it is never too late to improve relationships. Visit www.easierparenting.com.au for parenting tips and other resources and start to “guide your children’s behaviour successfully”. Contact Carole now on 0407070555 or carolead@bigpond.net.au
Carole Disseldorp is a Parent Educator who has had 32 years experience working with children and parents. She has 4 grown children. She has worked as a Primary Teacher for over 5.5 years, a full-time, Stay-at-home Mum for 16 years, a Parent Educator for 3 years, a Childcare Worker for 4 years and a Nanny for 2.5 years. She cares deeply for the well-being of all children and parents, and knows highly effective ways to raise children and adolescents so that they become happy, confident, caring, self-disciplined, independent, stable, well-mannered, competent and successful people. She is also the Director of Easier Parenting - www.easierparenting.com.au.
